tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88284124422959545422024-03-19T07:40:54.246-04:00Musings of a SmartypantsSmartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-30454104236159911402011-05-01T13:43:00.003-04:002011-05-01T13:53:04.722-04:00Between chapters...Something that never occurred to me was how hard it would be to leave Toronto. The place that never felt like home; the place we spent three rather painful years. As the days counted down, the reality crept in. I started saying my goodbyes and realizing how much we had. However limited, we had a life there. There is plenty that I will miss. <br />
<br />
Still, excitement prevailed and we somehow managed to pack up and be ready for the movers. And, a few days later, to get onto the highway in a car packed with belongings and high hopes. We didn't look back. We giggled and tried to wrap our heads around the finality. Outside the warmth and safety of the car, it rained. <br />
<br />
Goodbye Toronto. Goodbye new and old friends. Goodbye smog and warmer weather. Goodbye beautiful lake and access to everything and anything. Goodbye freeways and too many cars and too many people and too much noise from neighbours and now-familiar streets and the safety of midwifery preceptors and studenthood. Goodbye to our starving student selves. <br />
<br />
The drive was satisfying. I had planned for a long drawn-out road trip with the intention of creating a distinct bookmark between chapters. Instead, we ended up driving longer days and going further than necessary because that's what felt right once we got going. It was a beautiful drive and we stopped often.<br />
<br />
And suddenly, we arrived.<br />
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For now we are hibernating. Trying to make sense of the changes. Slowly it all sinks in. Friends are trying to reach us. My mother is feeding and taking care of us. Our things are supposed to arrive tomorrow. One more day, and surrounded by our things... then I think maybe we will be ready.Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-69948561240636228312011-03-14T21:46:00.004-04:002011-03-14T21:59:36.708-04:00ContemplatingI'm feeling like a slacker.<br />
<br />
Funny words from a person who rarely has time to eat and sleep, but it's true. <br />
<br />
I've had so little homework to do during clerkship, and I've taken advantage of that fact. Around me, friends are studying for the final, writing their pharmacology exam, prepping for their in-class peer review (I did mine first, so nothing to prep since January) and just generally being more proactive than I am. I'm the girl who makes everyone feel better about themselves when they THINK they've been slacking and then find out I've done even less.<br />
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The truth is, I've always been this way. I'm a procrastinator, through and through. Give me extra time for a task and I will fill it with something entirely unrelated. Last minute is my style... mix in a little perfectionist for a fairly uncomfortable combo. That's just who I am. <br />
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Lately I find myself filling my extra time with daydreaming. This is new for me. I've never been much of a dreamer. In my mind, I am imagining life after the MEP. I am arranging furniture in our new apartment, exploring our new-old city, reconnecting with friends, catching up with my Ontario friends on facebook... I think it's funny that I'm spending so much time daydreaming and fantasizing about doing normal every day things. I'm so ready to fall in love with Winnipeg again... maybe for the first time. <br />
<br />
Today one of the midwives told me she is really excited about my future endeavours, and she said the most lovely thing: "I'm excited for you, and you are totally ready for this." Tonight I'm savouring that comment. And not doing any work.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="311" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZVoJUASn_g4?rel=0" title="YouTube video player" width="500"></iframe>Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-28756057100243041182011-03-11T12:20:00.000-05:002011-03-11T12:20:16.388-05:00The Final Countdown...Two weeks until I turn off the MEP-issued pager once and for all. At this point, life before the MEP feels like another lifetime altogether. When I began, four years seemed so doable. In retrospect, it seems like an eternity. So much has changed. <br />
<br />
Rob and I have made jokes about how Toronto has aged us, but there is some truth to that. While there is much excitement to be heading back to Winnipeg, there is also trepidation. We don't really know what we are walking into. How will the ways in which we have changed mesh with what we've left behind? Where will we fit? What is there for us now? <br />
<br />
Around midwifery... I'm so excited to be heading into a community where growth is still exciting and new midwives are celebrated and supported. I'm thrilled to be getting involved in the midst of such positive changes. But most of all, I look forward to feeling excited about and involved in pregnancy and birth. I am so overworked, overwhelmed and exhausted that births blur into births and I've lost a sense of the miracle. There is a lot of "med-wifery" in my current world and I look forward to forging and discovering my own way of practice. I am curious to meet the midwife in me. <br />
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Until then, I look forward to sleeping and packing for the entirety of April. I may not have a long break ahead of me, but I plan to make the most of it! Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-79196695049809369172011-03-02T10:07:00.002-05:002011-03-02T10:10:34.186-05:00Looking for the magic...This year, along with the ugliness of the pre-spring melt comes the final countdown of the MEP.<br />
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I'm not yet in the clear. I am short on numbers, and have three clients due this week alone. Tomorrow, my preceptor comes back from a month of holidays so there will be adjustments to make. We must never get comfortable, you know.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, I have accepted a position in Winnipeg to start mid-May. I am relieved to have a plan in place and terrified to imagine going on call on my own for the first time in a completely new place. In some ways I envy the new registrants who are hired on at the practices from their final year of the MEP. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don't. But I am grateful to be heading back to my familiar city with its familiar foibles.<br />
<br />
We wait wait wait wait on word about an apartment. Our application went in over a week ago. I am excited for the open, airy space overlooking the river and city. I know we could transform it into our happy home for at least a couple of years. Here's hoping they let us!<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="311" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ElGhnbH0F1M?rel=0" title="YouTube video player" width="500"></iframe>Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-79493354495765135102011-02-14T12:49:00.001-05:002011-02-14T12:50:37.795-05:00The Fall..I don't know what it is about mid-term, but it gets me every time.<br />
<br />
Despite any strength I had going into the term, around the halfway mark anxiety starts to creep in and becomes more and more difficult to overcome. At least now I know it's a bit of a pattern and that it will eventually improve.<br />
<br />
The roller coaster of confidence and doubt is a scarier ride than ever. I suppose the stronger one feels, the further they fall when they realize how much there is left to learn.<br />
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Keeping my eye on the finish line is what keeps me going. Visions of Winnipeg dance in my head. Plans are forming. I think, mentally, I'm already gone from here. Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-92047032882880520402011-01-22T21:11:00.009-05:002011-01-24T08:29:22.142-05:00...time flies...It's always amazing to me how time can drag and fly at the same time. The weeks crawl by, but they do keep crawling and things continue to change and change and change. So much change.<br />
<br />
I am a Midwifery Clerk now. Something I was always so in awe of - it seemed an unreachable goal. Midwifery Clerks do things like think about what comes AFTER the MEP. I had forgotten such a thing existed - or, at least, given up on ever getting there. <br />
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And what comes after the MEP for us continues to appear to be Winnipeg. Toronto - especially the midwifery scene - seems as impenetrable and uninviting as ever, and although our wee pool of friends and acquaintances is growing, we still aren't very attached. I've been encouraged to apply for positions in Manitoba, and so I did, and now I have an interview coming up. It will be nice to have a plan in place for that "edge of a cliff" that is the end of the MEP.<br />
<br />
I have actually begun to imagine graduating. Walking across the platform in my red shoes to receive my degree. Working. Being near family and old friends. Having an income. Owning a house. <br />
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In the meantime, being a Clerk has proven interesting. Different and yet the same. It doesn't feel as much like an initiation... a different level of respect, perhaps? I am increasingly comfortable with what I am doing and yet when I try to imagine not having the safety net of another midwife overseeing me in everything I do I feel terrified. I still do silly things all the time. I screw up daily. My stomach is in knots... often. But it's really amazing to see that as the days, weeks and months roll on... I am growing. It is and has been so painful, but I have grown so much. I am becoming this.Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-65554248986170552162010-12-06T16:47:00.002-05:002010-12-06T16:50:09.408-05:00...winter awakening...My soul is stirring. Strange that feeling should come at a time that I also associate with darkness. Today, finally, snowflakes fall. All at once, winter is here. <br />
<br />
I was beginning to chalk the lack of festive spirit in our household up to exhaustion and isolation. Sitting (studying...) under the warm orange glow of the kitchen lamp watching the grass get swallowed up by white outside our bay window, I realize that this is what we've been missing. Feeling cozy inside, sipping tea, candles lit, protected from the wind and snow... the holidays are here. A prairie girl through and through... need me some of that icy air. <br />
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I should be studying. It's so hard. I say this every time, I know... but it really is hard. I don't want to focus. I want to pour a glass of red wine and laugh at this crazy life. I want to walk in the snow with Rob until our cheeks are pink and numb and our kisses warm and connected, remembering each other. I want to be surrounded with friends and food and drink - feel the sensation of belonging that we were reminded of at the farmhouse in August. <br />
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Tonight we are going for dinner with some friends... I realize now, too late, what bad timing that is. I will, as usual, make it work for the exam... I just need a 70%. Doable... I hope.<br />
<br />
Then... take THAT Midwifery 4! Moving on. Amazing how it all feels like forever... and yet it just keeps going by.Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-62713761104628092902010-11-22T00:04:00.004-05:002010-11-22T00:09:41.634-05:00... reality check...Today I felt crazy. Grumpy, depressed and sad. I was pushing when I wanted to be pulling. Poor Rob. <br />
<br />
It was a great weekend, but so short. So short. I cried a little this morning when I thought about going back on call. At just the right moment someone reminded me that we have one weekend left on call before we go off for our exam and December break. 11 days. After the reminder (and two dark chocolate-covered blueberries), I started to perk up. <br />
<br />
On the break I want to eat chocolate and read books. I want to break my laptop addiction for awhile. I want to gaze lovingly at Rob, play stupid board games and do puzzles, ditch my car and walk, leave boot prints in the snow. I want to laugh, and mean it. <br />
<br />
I saw Woody Allen's latest film the other day and it was excellent. Reminiscent of his old work that I love. A lesson in how the grass isn't greener on the other side. A good reminder. Important.Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-83661829422080237042010-11-19T09:32:00.000-05:002010-11-19T09:32:41.152-05:00...bzzz bzzz bzzz....Word has it that Winnipeg is covered in snow as of yesterday. I honestly can't imagine. It seems too early. One thing I would miss about Toronto is the weather. It agrees with me, and I agree with it. In the city of smog and fog, I no longer get as down in the winter and I don't get the recurring headaches that I always had back home and even in Sudbury. Strange. <br />
<br />
No births this week. It's been a long lull. I told the practice at midterm that I needed back ups, and have only managed to get two since. I hope for at least one more, and a primary or two. I find my tutor isn't a stickler for birth numbers as long as my preceptor(s) feel I have done enough that they feel they can assess me. I feel fairly confident that, despite the fact I have a long way to go, I'm passing this term. <br />
<br />
I'm very excited for a weekend off that includes dinner and a movie with a buddy who makes me laaaugh non-stop, a lil road trip to visit a midwifery friend in Cambridge, and drinks with an old friend. Not all weekends off are packed with awesomeness like this one is.<br />
<br />
<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZmVnmI9XWa8?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZmVnmI9XWa8?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-29120193119288418822010-11-17T08:13:00.001-05:002010-11-17T08:52:09.529-05:00... just breathe...I am currently in the middle of a birth lull... it's not as comfortable as it sounds. I have informed the practice that I am in need of back ups. I have a multip due on Sunday who went early with her first baby (and fast!)... every night I dream she calls in the middle of rip-roaring labour and I try to ask why she didn't call earlier as the midwife and I set into panic mode trying to get to her in time... then I awake to morning. No pages. I check the pager to make sure it is still working and that I haven't somehow missed it going off. No pages.<br />
<br />
Rob was leaving the apartment as I emerged from the bedroom this morning - early class. As I sat there sipping warmish yerba, I received a text from him: "I found something disturbing this morning. I didn't want to tell you until you were awake." Then a long lull between texts as my mind went into all kinds of "disturbing" places. Finally: "I found a dead mouse on the kitchen floor." Ew. Then I noticed how on edge the cats were. And exhausted. I suppose they were up all night dealing with this.<br />
<br />
Dead mouse on the kitchen floor. Reminds me of a day years ago... in another city, in another kitchen... I made a mix cd that day, and named it after the experience. This song... beautiful... ethereal... almost forgotten. Turns out to be a good reminder... a listening requirement for midwifery students, perhaps?<br />
<br />
<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JwNikCItFI8?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JwNikCItFI8?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-59649907974503352462010-11-13T20:07:00.000-05:002010-11-13T20:07:43.538-05:00... a day in the life...This morning I slept in until a leisurely 8:45 and promptly wasted an hour watching mind-sucking reality television on my laptop. I ate a freezer-burned sesame bagel with some undefined type of spreadable cheese from small foil-wrapped triangles I found in the fridge. I drank the remaining dregs of yerba mate left in the pot from Rob before he left for work. I made a few calls, got dressed and spent approximately three minutes fiddling with my hair and thinking about how desperately I need a haircut and how little time I have to make appointments. Giving up on the hair I ran out the door making a mental note that I needed to take a sticky roller to the cat hair coating my black tights, then forgetting. I listened to the same cd that has been on repeat in my car for the past three weeks as I drove to a home visit. It was sunny. Squinting, I remembered how I used to care enough to actually change my regular glasses to my sunglasses when I was outside. I ran up the four flights of stairs to the apartment where I was doing my visit and arrived so out of breath that I had to take a few minutes before I could communicate with the parents. The visit was uneventful. I checked in with one of my preceptors to let her know how the visit went as I raced down the stairs and back to my car, worrying about running late to meet my other preceptor at the hospital for another visit. I got stuck in traffic, squinting in the sun and singing along mindlessly, texting my preceptor to let her know I was on my way. I arrived at the hospital 20 minutes late, and searched for our client only to realize that my preceptor was not there yet. Following the visit, I stopped in at the clinic to photocopy next week's clinic schedule and attempt to motivate myself to prep my charts. Failing that, I suddenly realized I was incredibly, horrifically grumpy. I left the clinic, drove home and have been lying on the couch moping ever since. I am eating gingerbread cookies and attempting to make fun plans for next weekend (off call) and my month off in December. Rob is making chicken dumpling stew in an attempt to cheer me up. <br />
<br />
For some reason this reminds me of the movie Magnolia, when William H Macy's character had the song "Dreams" playing in his car every time he drove anywhere... his character was at least as hopeless as I feel today. <br />
<br />
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<br />
That actually just kinda cheered me up. Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-42625205950454949502010-11-07T12:59:00.000-05:002010-11-07T12:59:57.397-05:00... shine down on me...Still writing this "last paper"... it's amazing how completely I can draw things out to their very longest, most painful length. Today is the day it will be handed in... mark my words! Unfortunately I've made plans to have dinner with friends, which would be a good thing except that I will not be finished the paper and will therefore be distracted and stressed out. <br />
<br />
Rob has been sullen and down, so I shooed him outside for a bike ride. It's amazing how we know these things help, but are sometimes so incapable of motivating ourselves to do them. This is what we need each other for.<br />
<br />
Outside the (dirty) windows the sun is shining strong and bright, doing it's best to warm the chilly air but not quite succeeding. Still, it cheers me up. I feel, taste, smell the undertones of winter. Instead of being scared, this year I feel more curious. How will I handle it? Will it be alright? I feel the need to be "better" at winter, with these plans to move back to Winnipeg on the horizon. <br />
<br />
I'm sure exercise would help. Oh well. Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-11671722182242368602010-10-31T20:48:00.002-04:002010-10-31T20:50:22.393-04:00...writingapaperpaperwritingwritingapaper...I feel googly-eyed. How can something that takes up so much of my mind not really be coming along? So, so very slow going. I will certainly be using my grace days. <br />
<br />
Last paper. Last one.<br />
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Haven't I said that before? <br />
<br />
<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/fYCzDhaRV60?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/fYCzDhaRV60?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-38962715806050796062010-10-29T19:34:00.000-04:002010-10-29T19:34:38.011-04:00... where is my mind?This is just the very best thing ever, for so many reasons.<br />
<br />
<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4NZdggNUvq0?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4NZdggNUvq0?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-37225079558698970152010-10-28T17:23:00.000-04:002010-10-28T17:23:06.596-04:00...ebb and flow...It's amazing what a couple of days off, two 10-hour nights of sleep, a trip to Ikea for some organizers and shelves, and two double-doses of vitamin b can do for one's outlook on life. <br />
<br />
After my last post, I kidnapped Rob when he came home from work and we went out for dinner to a little thai restaurant nearby that I've been wanting to try. We used to go for thai food about once a month back in Winnipeg; it was one of our favourite things to do. Now we don't have the luxury of going out for dinner as much as we used to, but I think it's important to make room for things that ground us once in awhile. Inside the cozy little red-walled restaurant, I told him how I was feeling over rice rolls and pad thai. He sympathized and empathized, and said he was really feeling the same way. We made a decision to try harder to live in the present. <br />
<br />
Together, we spent Sunday doing things around the apartment that we just sort of were never getting around to. With a bit of love and attention, we finally have a place that I completely love coming home to again. Rob even re-potted the sad little plant clippings we had been neglecting in a corner, and now they are thriving all over the living room. My anxiety has calmed. For now, I feel better. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-56459560700288475582010-10-23T14:58:00.001-04:002010-10-24T18:11:16.060-04:00...rude awakening...Somewhere along the way I've lost myself.<br />
<br />
I don't want to get melodramatic, but it's true. It's something that I haven't been able to put my finger on, but now that I have I can see I've known it all along. I spend so much of my "free time" wrapped in fleece, hooded sweatshirts and legwarmers, computer on my lap and doing what I can to relax. In "relaxing", I become immobile and half the time if Rob doesn't bring me food and tea I might not eat or drink. This makes me feel terrible. I start to wonder where and when I became so lazy, and then question whether lazy is really the word. The truth is, I don't feel lazy - can't, when so much of my life is spent jumping out of bed at all hours, hard at work, learning, thinking, running, prepping, giving, trying, failing, trying again. I tell myself - and others (parents, friends, Rob) agree - that this is only temporary; that it can't be helped right now because of the intensity of the midwifery program. I tell myself I made this choice and this immobility, dissatisfaction, departure from myself is the essence of that sacrifice. But I haven't really believed that... I can't. No matter what my circumstances are and how I got here, disengaging from life is not required. In fact, I can't even say it is the "easy way" to cope, since so much dissatisfaction and unhappiness comes from having checked out of life. So I'm not sure why I've ended up here. <br />
<br />
I am tired of feeling envious of people with life and creativity and passion. I am tired of feeling like I remember having those things once, and wondering where they went. I am tired of assuming all of this is because I've gotten older. I don't believe getting older means changing into something less than I was before and being satisfied with things that once would never have been enough. And blaming this sorry state on the midwifery program is a cop-out; I can see that now. Lots of people go to university - many people even work seriously hard. It is not a good excuse for disappearing.<br />
<br />
I used to enjoy writing - lately I feel like I don't have a clue how it's done. Generally my posts feel forced and boring. I have wanted to dig deeper, but couldn't remember how. I used to love music. Listening to music, finding new music, going to shows. Recently, I have felt like I don't know where to find it, and haven't had time for it. I used to take pride in having a tidy, warm, unique space to come home to. Lately I've been stressed out by knowing it is messy, boring and in need of attention, but I've been too tired to figure out what it needs. I've been blaming the whole thing on the space itself, or on being broke and not having the resources to tend to it. The truth is, it doesn't need resources. It just needs love. I'm aware of it... and yet it continues to be messy and unloved. The list goes on. Suddenly, as of now, I'm awake... and I know I have a lot of work to do.Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-790800013123378402010-10-23T13:29:00.001-04:002010-10-23T13:34:03.534-04:00... yet another midterm...More than a month (nearly two) since my last post... how?! Time flies when you're in extremely uncomfortable, challenging periods of growth, I guess.<br />
<br />
This semester has differed significantly from the last. Instead of having just one preceptor, I now have two officially and spend a lot of time with several different midwives. This has its advantages and disadvantages: I've enjoyed getting to know different midwives and their unique styles of practice... however I also feel confused by the varied opinions on different circumstances since I am at a point in my learning where I need to become comfortable making management plans. For example, if one person is not worried about a baby's weight loss and another is extremely worried about the same baby's weight loss, how should I be feeling about it/managing it in a way that everyone is comfortable with?<br />
<br />
I have started to see periods where I feel confident and capable, and in those moments I can see how far I've come. However sometime this past week or two I started to realize that the game has changed... where once I was being told what we had to do on a given day, or was being prompted along plans of management, suddenly I am dropping the ball if I am not keeping on top of every detail and bringing up my plans without prompting. It's not that I can't do it, nor that they are being unfair to me... it's just that I'm still figuring it all out. The worst part is always how hard I am on myself, and how hard I take the critiques because I hate being wrong! I don't know if it's exhaustion, or being overwhelmed... but I cried a lot this past week. <br />
<br />
Which makes the fact I am taking two days off all the more important. Yesterday was our midterm exam, which I thought seemed to go pretty alright, especially because I just couldn't bring myself to spend as much time studying as I usually do. Only the mark will tell, but I feel like I passed which is the main thing. My evaluation with my preceptors and tutor is on Monday morning. I know I'm doing alright, but these things always make me nervous.<br />
<br />
I've been feeling more and more homesick and ready to take on the prairies again. My midwifery contacts back home make it sound really promising for positions around the time I will graduate. The question of whether to stay or go has been on my mind lately. Only time will tell, but I think Rob and I are both feeling pretty ready to roll on out of Toronto at this point. <br />
<br />
It took awhile, but I feel like I finally know where home is. Now that I know, having to wait before going there is excruciating! I am so glad I've developed renewed appreciation for it. Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-28361340689171116862010-09-05T21:14:00.007-04:002010-09-05T22:01:23.983-04:00Gratitude...After a month of tremendous ups and downs, I'm feeling sort of-kind of-almost ready to resume placement.<br />
<br />
It's been three years since I've had any issues with my Crohn's disease. In the past, I had many operations due to a recurring fistula/abscess. It's always been a tough pill to swallow since I've worked so hard to see relief from the usual type of Crohn's flare-up with much success through diet. But, no matter how good the other symptoms of my Crohn's disease have been, problems with this abscess would always reappear. The last time it happened was in May of 2007, when I ended up in the hospital the same day I found out I had gotten into the midwifery program at Laurentian (sooo much happy; sooo much sad!). After three years, I was starting to think (hope, dream!) perhaps I'd seen the last of it. So it was with much disappointment... heartbreak, even... that I ended up in the ER at Mt Sinai a few weeks ago. One long horrendous day in the emergency room, lots of morphine and gravol, spinal anaesthetic, an operation and an overnight later, I was back at home. <br />
<br />
The past three weeks have been focused on healing and trying to get back in the physical and mental game so I could be ready for placement when it started again. I think I'm finally there. I don't know why it happened, but I know that during placements I have not treated my body as well as I have in the past. It's been hard to eat properly, and I had let that translate to almost never eating well at all. In many ways I have to try harder to keep my body happy and healthy during all of this. <br />
<br />
Luckily, I suppose, the flare-up occurred during holidays from school and directly between our Algonquin canoe trip and our trip to Winnipeg, and none were disturbed. We had a blast in Winnipeg, and even though I had to take it easy we managed to see many of our friends, lots of my family, and even spend a few days at my parents' cabin on Falcon Lake.<br />
<br />
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As always, I felt the most profound sense of whole-ness as I sat under those prairie skies with all of our friends around us. It felt easy, and it felt like home. I felt a sense of belonging and love that I haven't felt, except during similar visits, since I moved away. This time was extra special since Rob was finally with me. For the past year or so I've been feeling a desire to make our way back there when we are done school. This was an opportunity to see if Rob might be on the same page once he experienced being back. Sure enough, one of the first things he said after we arrived was "oh yeah... this place feels like home." I left with a new motivation for getting through this year: the sooner I finish, the sooner I can get back to Winnipeg and we can get on with making our dreams come true!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBQIvpta5dR3LtR8ndwyEU_MRa5-MmuIPa1Ocj-BvOUlQRTEWmmHt5j6UsqW8tIXOiTB07VKfZLTD9eKpPcc9HbfcGFGw1Pap_4jkNi7yAEfWUJdlDgOg_5frWVFWKYBYI6SncL4MYI64/s1600/Farm+Sky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBQIvpta5dR3LtR8ndwyEU_MRa5-MmuIPa1Ocj-BvOUlQRTEWmmHt5j6UsqW8tIXOiTB07VKfZLTD9eKpPcc9HbfcGFGw1Pap_4jkNi7yAEfWUJdlDgOg_5frWVFWKYBYI6SncL4MYI64/s320/Farm+Sky.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisQXlH_WmA_f_1_tZJN7V0v00YHZj9CDqAvH5ldYMvq0LYHEA2oLUIE7E8z_l93Qxqjzq3rrexWyPaEIbF0U-UJq805puAiCnM69k7IQXeX1BMY7NRDodBmc4JsfCHOEGQK5PhrF1v6Oo/s1600/Farm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisQXlH_WmA_f_1_tZJN7V0v00YHZj9CDqAvH5ldYMvq0LYHEA2oLUIE7E8z_l93Qxqjzq3rrexWyPaEIbF0U-UJq805puAiCnM69k7IQXeX1BMY7NRDodBmc4JsfCHOEGQK5PhrF1v6Oo/s320/Farm.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMmQGfBinRyoECyRvRDOHixJ0XZgPJWcbVJ8GM_w4sq06kx4WzP0ud5PLNbjInVDYN-Gwe8YtXxDWRyWF6sqxgeF0MJuoe0rA5MGNgaPmYR33E-YotTnq7NJH1wqblOFMzUjfxA5rlaAw/s1600/Gazebo+6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMmQGfBinRyoECyRvRDOHixJ0XZgPJWcbVJ8GM_w4sq06kx4WzP0ud5PLNbjInVDYN-Gwe8YtXxDWRyWF6sqxgeF0MJuoe0rA5MGNgaPmYR33E-YotTnq7NJH1wqblOFMzUjfxA5rlaAw/s320/Gazebo+6.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkFuIam1v7A7_h9IEWOMi_DgNVBf3mi9WdOySZJuMtV21kgdVYmzUuStA6FCaImUGYDL7GcuylHPpIZx2B9IzlYrz749nVo8x28fuSHEXPlOHvZKgEGs3QkMZHGc92Jz1MnHYJ4rN-_Rc/s1600/Peace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkFuIam1v7A7_h9IEWOMi_DgNVBf3mi9WdOySZJuMtV21kgdVYmzUuStA6FCaImUGYDL7GcuylHPpIZx2B9IzlYrz749nVo8x28fuSHEXPlOHvZKgEGs3QkMZHGc92Jz1MnHYJ4rN-_Rc/s320/Peace.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Which, of course, reminds me that going to midwifery school was one of those dreams, and every day that I'm here I am making that dream a reality. I appreciate the reminder to have gratitude!Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-56341421019019507992010-08-09T12:33:00.001-04:002010-08-09T12:36:44.824-04:00Summer Days...Placement 1 of 3 wrapped up without a hitch. I had a near panic-attack at the end from suddenly thinking I was going to run into some uncomfortable feedback during my evaluation... possibly even run into issues with passing. I'm not sure why I thought this; likely because it was happening all around me to my classmates. In fact, the final evaluation was fairly painless and actually even pleasant at points. My preceptor's written evaluation was extremely positive and included the sentiment that she is looking forward to working more with me. Go figure!<br />
<br />
The day we went off call, my midwifery bestie drove down from Ottawa for a 24 hour hang-out sesh. We got together with some of the other Toronto-and-vicinity midwifery students from Laurentian, expecting a celebration. In fact, it turned into a bit of a bitch-fest where we all ranted and commiserated over wine and cupcakes... it was a bit heavy, but I suppose we all needed it. The two of us made up for it the next day by wandering a farmer's market, having a long and delicious brunch at my new favourite cafe, breathing in the cool air along the harbourfront and checking out the market there, and having an overall luxurious day off-call doing whatever we pleased. <br />
<br />
Somehow I convinced myself to do a better job of studying for the final exam than I did for the midterm. The exam went off without much of a hitch, save for the usual frustrating MEP exam questions about things that have not at all been a learning focus. No marks back yet, but I expect to have done well enough.<br />
<br />
We set off a couple of days later for our second "annual" Algonquin Park canoe trip. It was different this year. Rob planned the route again, and it was much more grueling than last year's. We paddled further and portaged more. Perhaps I was also still just burnt out, or perhaps the absence of the two friends who couldn't make it this year was just really palpable, or perhaps it was the lack of sunshine... I'm not sure, but the energy didn't feel nearly as high out there. I didn't start to pick up until day four of the five day trip. It was as astonishingly beautiful as ever and amazingly peaceful. We hardly saw any other people on days two through four. It was just really, intensely physically difficult. Maybe I just wasn't quite ready for it so soon after the placement ended. My midwif' bud and I did a lot of hysterical laughing about "our idea of a vacation". What is it with us, anyway, that everything always has to be so freaking intense?!<br />
<br />
I have all these ideas about things I'd like to do this month and ways I want to get organized before the fall. Right now I'm not sure it's going to happen. I have an armload of novels I want to read (what a luxury!), and we still have our trip to Winnipeg coming up. I'm reading Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver - an oldie, but one I had never managed to get around to. Also on the list: Fall on Your Knees - Ann-Marie MacDonald, How to be Good - Nick Hornby, The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini, among others. Think I can get through them all and still get our lives organized a bit before September 7?Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-79127768647376928022010-07-12T14:05:00.005-04:002010-07-12T17:26:18.760-04:00Who's CountingI am winding down from having a much-needed weekend off call. I did my best to make the most of it. It was really hard to "let go" of all the things I have started to become used to having to keep straight for midwifery placement. I realized how much my head lives in the placement - something I had hoped to find a way to temper this time around. Now I am just unsure whether it's possible not to let this thing become your whole world. If it is, I guess I haven't figured it out yet.<br />
<br />
When Rob and I went out for dinner on Saturday night, it was evident how long it had been since we'd really sat down and talked. Over entrees, wine, dessert and coffee, we talked and laughed like we hadn't seen each other in years - which was lovely, but is also kind of sad to realize how out of touch we had become. We decided we need to make a pointed effort to have dinner together more often.<br />
<br />
This decision to try to eat more meals together coincides perfectly with me realizing how unhealthy I have been getting during placement - all the eating on the run, grabbing things from the nearest coffee shop or the hospital cafeteria, not eating because I forgot to pack lunch and don't have time to pick something up, snacking on unhealthy choices... it's not good. Re-inspired to care about the food I'm eating by a combination of starting to feel heavy and lacking in energy with the discovery of The Ten Ingredient Project: <a href="http://www.teningredientproject.com/">http://www.teningredientproject.com/</a>, I'm looking forward to putting a little more thought into what I eat again.<br />
<br />
Incidentally, I felt I hit a bit of a stride last week with placement. I handled a few things better than I would have previously, and got a couple bits of positive feedback. I am still really uncertain and it all still feels tremendously difficult, but moments where I can see some progress do put it into perspective a bit. And Rob Brezny (<a href="http://freewillastrology.com/">http://freewillastrology.com/</a>) seems to be echoing my suspicions about why it all feels so hard:<br />
<br />
"CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): So it turns out that the "blemish" is<br />
actually essential to the beauty. The "deviation" is at the core of the<br />
strength. The "wrong turn" was crucial to you getting you back on the<br />
path with heart. I have rarely seen a better example of happy accidents,<br />
Capricorn. You may not realize it quite yet -- although I hope this<br />
horoscope is bringing it all into focus -- but you have been the beneficiary<br />
of a tricky form of divine intervention. One good way of expressing your<br />
gratitude is to share with friends the tale of how you came to see that<br />
the imperfections were perfect." <br />
<br />
There are officially 10 more sleeps until we are off for our final exam and month off. Not that I'm counting... but if I were, that would mean only 2 more full clinic days (which I am finding one of the more stressful parts of placement). I'm trying to convince my midwifery BFF to travel from Ottawa for a visit immediately upon going off call... we'll see. I think finishing this portion of our final year will call for a mega celebration!Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-77102321411156207542010-06-30T22:20:00.005-04:002010-07-01T11:00:55.376-04:00PushingI completely hit a wall sometime after the last post. I felt that my preceptor and I had conflicting personalities that just weren't going to work together, and I just... lost it. I became an anxious wreck. I couldn't stop crying and just could not see the positive in any of this anymore. In a moment of desperation I called the program director at my school and just let it all out. She somehow talked me down. I didn't think it was possible, but after discussing some communication strategies, sharing some laughs and generally just feeling supported, I hung up knowing it was all going to be alright. I didn't know how, but I knew it would.<br />
<br />
I am working on patience, open-mindedness and gratitude. I believe these are some of the reasons I have been put in this position this year. I want to make the most of what I have been given. I don't want to quit after all this hard work. And I don't want to be miserable, either. My preceptor isn't going to change any time soon, so it lies with me and in my perception of things. I'm trying. Things are getting better.<br />
<br />
My friend compared the placement to labour. She said I was going through transition and soon would be able to start pushing (notoriously a relief after labouring). I guess I've just started pushing... I feel like things are better than they were a week or two ago, but I am really looking forward to the birth of August. <br />
<br />
August is looking amazing. We are planning our canoe trip to Algonquin for the early part of the month, and a short trip to Winnipeg at the end. I cannot wait. <br />
<br />
My birth numbers are low. I brought it up at the practice meeting today and the range of responses was overwhelming. Some felt it was partly my fault for not bringing it up earlier, not telling them via email or some other method, not doing this or that. Others realized it was just unlucky. All realized that my not taking any of my time off was not the best way to deal with the situation. I have only taken one day off call this month, and the entire time I was off, I worried. My two year wedding anniversary came and went this past week while I was at clinic and, later, a birth. Nothing is sacred and nothing can have my attention except this placement. It's just hard. But if I can get my numbers up and get some time off call, I will have a chance to ground myself once in awhile. <br />
<br />
We are fostering two of the sweetest kittens in the world. Last week we had three adoption calls for them and all three fell through. Rob and I love these guys more every day. It's hard when they stay too long... Cosmo sleeps on my pillow every night. Felix follows me every time I go into the bathroom. And, well, just look at them! <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRDNOx26UCBEVmKa8_o8-ZfYetJCBiMaEM9jng5kdQP3ZESLko8JZxFuVCeD3TWM63OLpbUKXCflrPKK_ZsIm4GoCNP6yI0NtAsILx_tTbNoDMc-RaWiJOYtC4b7Hm9jG6rOPIs8fqD6E/s1600/Felix+and+Cosmo+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRDNOx26UCBEVmKa8_o8-ZfYetJCBiMaEM9jng5kdQP3ZESLko8JZxFuVCeD3TWM63OLpbUKXCflrPKK_ZsIm4GoCNP6yI0NtAsILx_tTbNoDMc-RaWiJOYtC4b7Hm9jG6rOPIs8fqD6E/s320/Felix+and+Cosmo+1.jpg" /></a></div>Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-46386896322846599382010-06-13T20:39:00.005-04:002010-06-30T22:57:32.548-04:00Slowly but surely...I'm done the midterm and am officially 1/6 done my final year in the midwifery program. Sometimes I really feel like I'm getting closer and closer to the end! The midterm seemed to go alright, save for a few answers that had me cringing at the thought of the tutor reading them. Still, I know that I passed... hooray! <br />
<br />
Despite feeling horrifically guilty, I took an extra day off call after the midterm on a whim. Two other students and I went for lunch to commiserate over hummus wraps, and then went shopping (mostly of the window variety) on Queen West. Our friends from Guelph came into town for the weekend and we spent a fair bit of time with them going out for meals, hanging out, checking out the Bloor street festival and Honest Ed's. They have introduced us to some other friends of theirs... everyone's a potential BFF these days, so I was immediately sizing them up. We really like them so hopefully we will see more of them. <br />
<br />
One of the hardest parts about being wrapped up in the day-to-day of being a midwifery student is that when you spend time with friends who are NOT midwives, it's hard to filter yourself properly. When people ask questions about the things you do, it's important not to be TOO specific. When you mention things like vagina and/or suturing, for example, people start to look at each other pointedly and then down at the table... a signal that it's time to wrap it up. I get it. It kind of makes me laugh. I know that my career choice is most certainly not for everyone. I still love it. <br />
<br />
Overall it was a quiet call weekend (two of my primaries had their babies on Thursday when I was off studying for the midterm) and I had a really relaxing one. When I went into the clinic to prep my charts for the week, I felt totally okay with it... I guess I just really needed the break. Right now Rob is making chocolate chip cookies while I do my homework (really, that's what I'm doing!)... I'm so lucky!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTdpCkUVd4aYxGZ-AXic7BfXpr_j0wzuZm3CABVXtDIWrYRVRJJTHhv8fVVZr4ww64dOvLx78USpmgJhQlTPiZs1c_xM9lLKzHTfz282Q-WI1T-_ckC5rLnezXpLASACRPuWyxSiBdRyY/s1600/Studying.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTdpCkUVd4aYxGZ-AXic7BfXpr_j0wzuZm3CABVXtDIWrYRVRJJTHhv8fVVZr4ww64dOvLx78USpmgJhQlTPiZs1c_xM9lLKzHTfz282Q-WI1T-_ckC5rLnezXpLASACRPuWyxSiBdRyY/s400/Studying.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-35109195648037323462010-06-08T23:10:00.001-04:002010-06-08T23:13:16.396-04:00Rough PatchHmm.<br />
<br />
Not sure how things are going. It got a lot harder to stay positive and upbeat and confident and hopeful etc this week when I came down with some sort of icky illness - probably just a cold (sore throat, nausea, achy, plugged ears, mucous-filled head, coughing, constant nose-blowing, watery eyes, gross) - and felt unable to take any time to deal with it. Any time I tried to sort of let my preceptor know how I was feeling, I ended up feeling powerless to ask for time/space to get better. A stiff regimen of tylenol, advil cold & sinus, ricola, ginger gravol and neti pot usage has been getting me through, but just barely. I've been washing my hands every ten minutes, holding my breath around babies and trying to stay away from people in general, while still trying to appear enthusiastic and gung-ho about everything. <br />
<br />
Just as I was feeling like I wasn't sure I was getting much in the way of learning opportunities out of my temporary preceptor, my permanent preceptor had returned and I was feeling really hopeful about that. However I am now starting to realize the ways in which the new relationship will have its own unique challenges, and that has been feeling a bit overwhelming. There is something about interactions with my preceptor that has been triggering a lot of anxiety in me. It feels like we are just missing each other - like we are always ALMOST on the same page but never quite. I have found some of our interactions really stressful and am feeling like I have needed time to sort of "come down" after them... so that makes me a bit nervous. I know that the only thing that can change is me. I am hoping that as she and I learn each other we will start to figure each other out and our interactions will become easier. Some of the time I think we both really get one another and I think enjoy each other... it's just hit and miss right now.<br />
<br />
That's pretty cryptic... I'm not sure how to put it into words yet. We'll just have to see what happens.<br />
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Some of our best friends in southern Ontario, some friends from Winnipeg who are currently living in Guelph, are suddenly up and moving back home. One of them got a promotion that means moving. We are really sad about it. We haven't been seeing them as much as we would like to, and we were hoping to reconnect now that it's summer. They were also a key part of our trip to Algonquin last summer and we were hoping for a repeat trip this year. It's all around disappointing news. Of course we are happy for her that she got a promotion... we'll just miss 'em.<br />
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I have a multip - third baby - contracting every half an hour for going on two days now. She is begging us to just induce her (obviously not going to happen). She has gone into labour at 37 weeks with both of her previous pregnancies, and is now approaching 40 weeks. I have a midterm exam on Friday and we go off call tomorrow night at 9 pm to allow us time to study and sleep prior to the test. Since I have a really busy day planned tomorrow I am kind of hoping her labour holds off for one more night... of course I will be happy for her if she goes tonight. This is the balancing act I will be part of for the rest of my career! There's just no way to know what will happen.Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-77441635867268045372010-06-03T18:43:00.001-04:002010-06-03T18:43:57.174-04:00Knock on WoodI'm afraid to say it's been a little quiet lately for fear of the universe making me pay for admitting such a thing. I'm knocking on wood... because, apparently, that's what midwives do. I am hoping for another quiet day or two while I nurse an incredibly sore throat. <br />
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I did have the fortune to attend a lovely birth this week - a second time mum whose ultrasounds were showing her baby to be in the 98th percentile for size... we were a little concerned about shoulder dystocia, but other than some sticky shoulders the mum birthed that baby impressively. It was the kind of birth that makes me stop and remember what an incredible career I'm heading towards and how blessed I am to do this work. <br />
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My preceptor has returned from holidays and everything has changed quite suddenly - her expectations are much higher. That's good, of course... I feel like I will be able to grow and learn a little better now that she is back. She seems a little more invested in having me learn and take on responsibility, I suppose because she's ultimately responsible for me. For me, though, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and nervous about dropping the ball somewhere... there is so much to keep organized. Visits to organize and/or attend, phone call check ins, induction bookings, consults to write/follow up on, charts to prepare, messages to return etc. Right now I'm keeping track of things in a few ways and I'm not sure any of them are working. A dayplanner would probably be best, but none of them that have large enough space to write in are appealing to have to carry around along with all the other million things I'm already carrying around. I suppose I will have to spend a fair bit of money on a really good one...? It seems that, like with bags, each midwife has her own favourite way to keep track of everything. Generally Blackberry's and iPhones, it seems... which I don't have. <br />
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I got my midterm evaluation date/time sorted out. Next Wednesday... eek. I can't believe we're already at midterm. I'm already thinking about some of the fun stuff I want to do in August to help unwind/mentally prepare for the fall semester. <br />
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We've started planning our canoe trip for August. I'm excited. We got a new tent and set it up in our kitchen. It's awesome! Unfortunately a couple of the friends that attended with us last year might not be able to make it this year due to moving back to Winnipeg a couple of years earlier than they thought they might. I guess that happens with Winnipeg. We'll see... <br />
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I also want to visit my parents, and maybe head up to Ottawa to visit friends too... I'm hoping if I go to Winnipeg Rob will be able to join me this time. He hasn't been back since the Christmas before last when he only stayed for three days. It would be amazing to go visit, spend some time at the cabin, etc. I am so curious if he would re-fall in love with it like I seem to whenever I visit. He doesn't think he will... <br />
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Aside from this killer sore throat, life is pretty good these days. Pretty good indeed.Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828412442295954542.post-45786917205806258572010-05-29T12:43:00.002-04:002010-05-29T14:15:57.260-04:00ExtremesSomehow - I'm not sure how - it's already nearly midterm. We have been instructed to make appointments with our tutors and preceptors to have a phone meeting to discuss our midterm evaluation for next week. I have sort of dropped the ball with this, mostly because of my uncertainty over who will be doing my evaluation. My actual preceptor returns from vacation on Monday and will not have spent any time with me up to this point. I should have clarified this before now... but I didn't. Here's hoping it all works out! <br />
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I'm interested to see how different my preceptor is from the midwife who has been my teacher up until now. I get the impression they are sort of opposite ends of the spectrum. The one I've been with throughout May is known for being super quick and efficient and somewhat conservative in her practice style. The one coming back next week is known for running behind, providing lots of discussion, being intuitive and liberal in her practice. I have found practicing with the first one to be challenging in several ways... and I'm sure the future holds many more, but different, challenges. I'm looking forward to it though. <br />
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Last night a few of the midwifery ladies from my class got together to go to the Doctors Without Borders refugee camp exhibit at Christie Pits Park. I was going off call for a couple of days and was excited to get together with them for the evening. I was late for the midwifery-specific tour and joined a public tour instead. A (rather cute) guy asked me "so, do you think things like this make a difference?" All I could say was that I just really hoped so. We had an interesting conversation while we waited for the tour to start. I was impressed with the tour. The exhibit was smaller than I expected, and yet they did a lot with it and had many groups going through at a time without it seeming disorganized. It was interesting to see how hard it was for some of the people on the tour to wrap their heads around things like bathing not being a priority in some people's realities. The woman who was our tour guide was a logistician - her responsibilities include, essentially, problem-solving any number of issues and complications that may arise in the provision of aid and health care to people in countries all over the world. The example she gave was finding a way to provide a medication or vaccination that requires storage at a temperature no greater than 25 degrees to people living in an area that is 50 degrees in the shade with no electricity. When the tour was over the (rather cute) guy asked me to have dinner with him. When I politely declined, he told me that I had good energy. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't flattering!<br />
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Following the tour, the midwifery ladies and I went for a walk and found a place to eat and have some drinks. After sharing a couple of pitchers, we were walking down the street and being really silly. Really silly. And loud. Screaming, essentially, about "gendering tail" - I won't get into it. And suddenly... there was my preceptor. She smiled and waved. I went over to her and said hello and she introduced me to her daughter. I told her I was with some midwifery student friends, and she said "well that explains why you were talking about 'gendering tail'. I wondered what that was about." Her daughter said "yeah, I was thinking to myself 'gendering tail'?" I realized at that moment just how loud and obnoxious we must have been. I laughed and said that my friends were being silly and I didn't know what they were talking about. Then I awkwardly said "well... see ya Monday!" I tried to walk away quickly but being part of a pack of 5 of us made that more difficult. Today the whole thing is even more embarrassing. Truthfully though, she didn't seem the least bit bothered, and even joked to my friends "yup - I'm the teach!" Sheesh. In a city of two and a half million people, you'd think one could go out and be a little anonymous! <br />
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In any case, going out was a lot of fun and has given me some renewed energy just like it always does. If only I could convince myself to do it more often! I still really have to learn how to be able to live a normal life while I'm on call...Smartypantshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04158247171973452228noreply@blogger.com0