A Not-So-Welcome Holiday Surprise

Maybe I'm slow to learn, but for some reason every time we have an issue come up with a foster cat, I'm surprised. What with Willow's surprise pregnancy, Otto's sudden death, Louie's fast and furious illness, and Monty the cave dweller, it should probably come as no surprise when an issue - large or small - pops up.

Since my last "cat post", we managed to get in touch with another foster family who had a little energetic kitten that wasn't really a match with the older, more laid back cats in the home. After much discussion we figured that Monty might be a better fit in their place, and the kitten a better fit in ours. The trade went off without a hitch, and Marve and the kitten, Kohl, began to play and play and play and play immediately. They love each other.

BFFs

Monty seems to be doing a little better in his new place too, so the switch all around seemed like the right thing to do.

Unfortunately, after a couple of days, the spots on Kohl's face that we thought were just scratches from another cat he may have pissed off turned into a huge round bare crusty patch. We suspect ringworm, a common and highly contagious (to humans AND other cats) fungus that takes many weeks to months to clear. Since we had finally, after much issue concerning health records etc, arranged for them both to go to a cat hotel for the few days we plan to be out of town visiting Rob's family, this was really stressful. We obviously can't bring a cat covered in infectious skin disease to a busy cat hotel.

I've had a few days to get used to the whole thing, and we've been treating the patches (there are now three) with cream. We've managed to arrange for Kohl to go to a vet for the time we're away to be assessed and taken care of (we assume it's ringworm but they will find out for sure). Marve will go to the cat hotel on his own. Poor guys - I hope they're not lonely without each other.

The next few days will be fun and challenging as we and the rest of Rob's siblings cram into the parents' place for some post-Christmas cheer. Here's hoping all goes smoothly. I start school with a bang when I get back - a 12-hour night shift on the L&D floor at the hospital. I've been told my preceptor is very nice... I'm straight-up nervous for this one so it will be good to get it started!

Reflections...

I'm doing some reflection on friendship tonight. I've recently had a friend "break up" with me because of the belief that I disappointed and let her down beyond repair. She made this decision without any communication with me to ensure we are on the same page or that she has the right story. This person was a huge part of my community back home - a building block... family. I feel a little lost at the moment. Half of me feels tremendous guilt and sorrow for letting her down. The other half of me feels that friendship, in my mind, means communication, love, support and honesty. She has given me none of those things and I am battling some disappointment and anger of my own. It is hard for me to imagine a situation in which I would let someone as important to me as she was go without a fight. Maybe I wasn't as important to her.

My mind is going in so many directions with this. Not the least of which is wondering what effect it will have (or may have already had) on my community in Winnipeg. What will be there for me if we choose to go back? I'm not sure how to navigate a situation this icky. I feel a little too grown up for this. For the past three years I have been totally invested in working towards a career that, to me, requires maturity, intelligence, compassion and an open heart. I don't know where this kind of poison fits into all that. I also think that once I reached a certain age and place in life, I thought I was past certain things. Perhaps I am as upset as I am largely due to the element of surprise.

Are my ideas of friendship so naive? Maybe the key is to have friends who aren't too close so that you can't disappoint them? This is not the first time I've had a friend say that their expectations of me were higher than their expectations of others, and that I failed. I wonder how I manage to attract expectations so high. Anyway, I don't want to build walls - I crave close friendships. I am often envious of people who have strong connections with childhood friends, or a "group" of friends they share everything with. I know many people like this, but have only fleetingly experienced it. There are numerous depictions on television. I wish I had friends like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda to be brutally honest with me. And why don't I have friends like Rachel and Monica living across the hall? Would it help if we had a hall? Perhaps we simply moved into the wrong building.

Perhaps it's just another sign that Winnipeg is no longer "home". The contemplation of "home" is another major topic on my mind these days. Home is pretty up in the air for me these days. The lottery for our final year placement has brought this close to the surface again. I am trying not to be attached to this apartment in case we need to move again. But focusing on the pitfalls of the place - the lack of heating, the expensive utilities, the noise from the neighbours... just depresses me. No, I'm going to have to continue to let my meaning of "home" evolve, and take things one day at a time. And maybe Winnipeg can always be home in my heart regardless of friend drama.

I guess only time will tell.

Anti-climax

All I ever talk about is cats.

I think it's because cats provide a cute, fuzzy distraction from the growing pains inflicted by the MEP. I am currently doing 5 assignments and studying for Wednesday's exam... and by that I mean I am watching my cats.

The truth is, I am not at all sure about this new foster cat, Monty. He has been here for four days, so I know it's too early to tell - but so far he rarely emerges from under the bed and when he does he really, really dislikes Marve. We'll see how it goes.

In other news, the lottery information came out this week... it's always a little anti-climactic because we wait so long to see what our choices will be, and then suddenly there they are and it's kind of just what you expected and the actual lottery isn't run for another month and there is still ages before we'll know where we'll be next year. I'm feeling happy they've split Toronto up into four regions (it used to be all one). Since we have to submit four choices, that means I can submit all Toronto and not have to come up with creative ideas on how we can move away without having Rob drop out of school... of course there is always the possibility that I will "fall out" of the lottery like last year, end up with none of my choices and have to pick from the scraps.... but we're not going to think about that.

So right now I simply need to focus on memorizing protocols and guidelines, textbooks and manuals. No big deal!

Winnipeg has been in a deep freeze this past week and I am ever-happy to be away from it. I'm uncomfortable here and it's only -10ish... I miss the prairies, but I am not sure how I can go back to that. And so the eternal debate on where we'll end up continues...

Winter...

It's officially December. Many of us are only just past halfway done the web course, so we're scrambling to finish and study for the exam next Wednesday... it doesn't seem possible, but we have to try!

We had class yesterday morning, and discussed things like the lottery (first we were told to expect news on November 30th, then December 4th, then December 8th... and then our tutor told us even December 8th - today - is unlikely so we shouldn't hold our breath...), next semester, and the exam. By the time class was over I just felt overwhelmed. Rob made me do yoga and have a shower to calm down (it worked)! I really need to take it just one day at a time...

On Saturday our friends from Guelph came up to visit - we made dinner and watched christmas movies. Good times. The next day we went out for breakfast (I have dreams about the BLAT at Nirvana) and then shopping for presents. The family pulled names to see who we would buy for this year. One of the family members we got is somewhat hard to buy for. We bought her a necklace after much deliberation, but now I don't think I like it. I might take it back. The truth is, we may not really figure presents out until after exams - and cards are unlikely to happen this year. Siigh.

Anyway, after we returned home and our friends were on the bus back to Guelph, we received a phone call from a guy and his girlfriend wanting to come and meet Wally. The guy sounded a little strange on the phone and I got nervous about letting Wally go. He had really become our little "bug"; our little "meatball"... well when these two arrived, I could see that they were very excited about Wally. They loved him, and didn't mind his little quirks in the least - and clearly were going to provide him with a pretty pampered life. They decided to take him home right then and there! I admit I called about two hours after they left to see how Wally was settling in... and they said he was doing great. He had been bold enough to explore the entire place - coming up to them every few minutes with little purrs and headbutts, and had slept on a chair between them while they ate their supper. Oh Wally! The guy said he would be happy to call me every now and then with updates... I really hope he does.

We are to pick up our new foster cat, Monty, today from Beth. I had been a little nervous about how Marve would react to his "little brother" disappearing... and honestly, I'm amazed! He has taken it all in stride. He is still sleeping (mostly) through the night, and even sleeps on our bed or on the chair in our room. He's been affectionate and ... well, just easy! Monty is a 3 year old guy - a big difference from the "teenagers" we've had with Louie and Wally. I hope Marve is okay with an "older" guy - and I hope Monty is okay with Marve! In all honesty... I'm a bit nervous to see how an older cat adjusts. Apparently he has lived in a cage for two whole months... poor guy. I can't wait to meet him.

The days are cold and dark and short lately. I'm way more tired than I was even just a month ago - its amazing how our bodies respond to the seasons! Still, I'm so happy to live in a place where winter doesn't start until December...

Right-o... back to the grind.

Seven-O and Go

The paper got done - and while I'm not proud of it, I can't help but hear the words of a recent midwifery-grad echoing in my head...: "7-0 and go!" She maintained that the only way to get through the MEP was to believe in this refrain and be happy with a passing grade rather than my ideal grade. Hmm. Not my usual motto, but I'm starting to see her point.

I had a sudden realization this week that next week is December - our final exam is on December 16, and I'm less than halfway done my coursework for the fall semester. I have a lot of work to do, and fast! In the meantime, I'm holding my breath for the release of the 4th year lottery placement choices. I want to get that show on the road so I know where I'm placed for next year. Will Rob and I have to move again? Half of me feels that, karmically, because I had such bad luck in the last lottery, I am due to get my first choice this time. I can't get screwed both times, right? But the other half of me knows all too well how it feels to receive an email stating that I didn't get any of my choices... and how real that possibility is. I just have to trust it's all going to work out the way it's supposed to...

The potential adopter for Wally called me the day after my last post to let me know they had fallen in love with another cat. It hurt a little bit! But I understood. Then he said that they had had a really good time with us and maybe sometime we'd want to go for a drink with them? I said "for sure!" and so we're hoping to do that this upcoming week. So that's fun.

This week we've had friends from Winnipeg staying with us and it's been great. We went to see Edward Sharpe - a show I never would have gone to otherwise and it was awesome. Totally wild - I had no idea what to expect... which made the fact that it was totally surreal all the better. They're weird. The whole thing had a distinctly cultish vibe.... iinteresting. We had so much fun.

We also went to see the Fantastic Mr. Fox - it's great. So so great. Go see it.

Yesterday a midwifery bud came over and we ranted about placements and coursework and our papers. We ate an entire batch of cookies and drank a pot of coffee and three pots of tea. It was therapeutic.

So we've been busy. And I've been happy. But I probably need to do some homework if I want to pass... and I do!

Everything and Nothing

The other night, the guy and his roommate came by to meet Wally. They didn't bring a cat carrier - they weren't planning to adopt that night, they just wanted to meet him. They were meeting a few cats and still had to make a decision and buy supplies before they could adopt. They were really cool and interesting, and they ended up hanging out for nearly two hours just chatting with us. It was an unexpected and fun evening. When they left I felt certain I'd hear from them about wanting to adopt Wally... however, I haven't heard from them yet. So maybe they fell in love with someone else. Wally was kind of tired that evening and not his super-cute normal self. Oh well - more time with him for us!

It's funny how we can go weeks and weeks without any plans, and then everything happens on the same night. Tonight our friends from Guelph are in town to hang out with some of their friends, and have invited us out. Also my girly book club meets tonight. And the potential cat adopters mentioned where they'd be tonight if we wanted to drop by.

I also have a paper due at midnight tonight, and do you think I'm working on it? No, I'm writing a blog. I have a serious procrastination problem... but this is nothing new. In any case, I'm really enjoying my day. Tea, music, cats, and internet at home for the first time in three days.

I'm half wondering if we're going to end up staying in tonight, as we tend to do. Maybe, if I'm still paper-writing, Rob will go out without me. He deserves it.

The Art of Letting Go...

To update from my last post... sadly, our beloved little Louie passed away at the vets the very day after I wrote. It was hard. I wished we had just kept him home with us if he couldn't be helped. I feel guilty and awful that he died alone, in isolation, in the basement at the vet clinic. I hope he knows he was loved.

While I was in Winnipeg, Beth rescued Walker (Wally) for us. Rob went and picked him up, and took care of him for two weeks before I got home. He kept him and Marve separate for a week, then slowly integrated them. I'm so proud of my "not-a-cat-person" husband! Wally had gone into the shelter a stray - skinny, flea-bitten, almost fur-less and covered in scabs. He lived there for far too long before he was rescued.

Wally before

I came home from Winnipeg to a brand new Wally! He has filled out, grown, his fur is growing in fluffy and soft and he plays ALL the time. He is so sweet and funny. He sleeps on the bed at night, and has even got Marve doing the same. Marve wakes us up a little less often during the night. Overall, we've got a good thing going.

However, yesterday the reality of fostering kicked in when we received a phone call from a guy who saw Wally's photo and bio (which had only gone up two days before), and wants to come over to meet him. He is coming tonight with his roommate. Rob and I are working on being okay with the possibility that he may not be with us beyond tonight. We love him so much already... but we know that if we adopt him we won't be able to continue fostering (my allergies can't handle more than two right now). And fostering is really important to us. So we have to let go.

Wally now

I had a good experience in Winnipeg. A month got a little long to be away from home, but the prairie air gave me so much energy and motivation. I walked everywhere. We had a real, full-blown fall so I didn't miss out after all. I spent time with people who make me happy. I had a gorgeous room in my friends' gorgeous house to live and study in. And the placement was challenging, but really rewarding. I had to fight to make it a good experience a little bit, since none of the doctors or NPs had ever had a midwifery student before, and weren't sure what to do with me. But we made it work, and by the end I felt I had improved visibly in some basic clinical skills. I was so impressed with the clinic itself. If we ever were to end up back in the 'Peg, I would be honoured to work there.

Since being home from Winnipeg, I have done nothing but sit. I sit in pyjamas and stare at the tv, stare at the cats, stare out the windows. I have tried to do homework, but despite my previous resolve to do nothing but for the rest of the term, I can't bring myself to do it. And I feel like a broken record for saying this all again. Still. Why is it so hard to find motivation?

Today we lost our (borrowed) internet connection, so I packed up my stuff and hiked down to the library. So here I am. Ready to write a paper. Procrastinating, maybe just a little. But it's about to happen.