Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Art of Letting Go...

To update from my last post... sadly, our beloved little Louie passed away at the vets the very day after I wrote. It was hard. I wished we had just kept him home with us if he couldn't be helped. I feel guilty and awful that he died alone, in isolation, in the basement at the vet clinic. I hope he knows he was loved.

While I was in Winnipeg, Beth rescued Walker (Wally) for us. Rob went and picked him up, and took care of him for two weeks before I got home. He kept him and Marve separate for a week, then slowly integrated them. I'm so proud of my "not-a-cat-person" husband! Wally had gone into the shelter a stray - skinny, flea-bitten, almost fur-less and covered in scabs. He lived there for far too long before he was rescued.

Wally before

I came home from Winnipeg to a brand new Wally! He has filled out, grown, his fur is growing in fluffy and soft and he plays ALL the time. He is so sweet and funny. He sleeps on the bed at night, and has even got Marve doing the same. Marve wakes us up a little less often during the night. Overall, we've got a good thing going.

However, yesterday the reality of fostering kicked in when we received a phone call from a guy who saw Wally's photo and bio (which had only gone up two days before), and wants to come over to meet him. He is coming tonight with his roommate. Rob and I are working on being okay with the possibility that he may not be with us beyond tonight. We love him so much already... but we know that if we adopt him we won't be able to continue fostering (my allergies can't handle more than two right now). And fostering is really important to us. So we have to let go.

Wally now

I had a good experience in Winnipeg. A month got a little long to be away from home, but the prairie air gave me so much energy and motivation. I walked everywhere. We had a real, full-blown fall so I didn't miss out after all. I spent time with people who make me happy. I had a gorgeous room in my friends' gorgeous house to live and study in. And the placement was challenging, but really rewarding. I had to fight to make it a good experience a little bit, since none of the doctors or NPs had ever had a midwifery student before, and weren't sure what to do with me. But we made it work, and by the end I felt I had improved visibly in some basic clinical skills. I was so impressed with the clinic itself. If we ever were to end up back in the 'Peg, I would be honoured to work there.

Since being home from Winnipeg, I have done nothing but sit. I sit in pyjamas and stare at the tv, stare at the cats, stare out the windows. I have tried to do homework, but despite my previous resolve to do nothing but for the rest of the term, I can't bring myself to do it. And I feel like a broken record for saying this all again. Still. Why is it so hard to find motivation?

Today we lost our (borrowed) internet connection, so I packed up my stuff and hiked down to the library. So here I am. Ready to write a paper. Procrastinating, maybe just a little. But it's about to happen.

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