I haven't posted in ages. I have tried several times, only to realize I had way too many things to say and not enough words. The placements have carried on without a hitch. I have learned more than I would have ever thought possible. I can run clinic visits, answer questions, help women through labour, catch babies, suture perineums, do immediate newborn care, and do postpartum follow up. I'm not perfect - I'm still awkward, I blank on numbers, stats and lists, there are questions I can't answer, there are long pauses during my informed choice discussions... but I can get by. Last year at this time I was so run down, exhausted, disillusioned, frustrated and sore that I actually feared entering 3rd year. I just didn't think I'd ever be ready. Now I face the end of the final semester with nothing but an enormous paper to write (sigh) and realize... I did it. And I don't feel too bad.
We have exactly one month of rest before our 4th year placements begin. The month "off" is not even entirely ours, as we have an 8 day intensive learning session in Sudbury smack dab in the middle of it. But I'm kind of excited to drive up and see all the women that I haven't seen since the late summer. Catch up and see what experiences everyone has had. It will be nice.
For the last placement of this year - our elective - I chose to return to Winnipeg for one month in a midwifery clinic. My intention was to learn the ways in which Manitoba midwifery differs from that in Ontario. I chose to do it this way so I could see some friends and family and use it as sort of a visit as well as a learning experience. Last time I did this - in October - I stayed with some friends, but this time my mom expressed how much she wanted me to stay with them, and she even made a little bedroom in what used to be the sewing room "just in case" I needed it. And, honestly, by the time I was done my OB placement in Ontario, I was worn down and wanted nothing more than a comfy bed in the corner of my parents' house. I have spent most of the month - except for a week of cat-sitting at a friend's house - being taken care of by my mom. Less than a week from flying back to Toronto, I feel rejuvinated, rested and restored.
What I did NOT expect was to fall in love with Winnipeg midwifery and the midwives themselves. I did not expect them to fall in love with me. Right now all I can think about is how to swing it so we can come back here when I graduate next spring.... the only hitch is that Rob is in school too and won't be finished! The wheels are turning...
"Home isn't where our house is, but wherever we are understood."
- Christian Morganstern