I am winding down from having a much-needed weekend off call. I did my best to make the most of it. It was really hard to "let go" of all the things I have started to become used to having to keep straight for midwifery placement. I realized how much my head lives in the placement - something I had hoped to find a way to temper this time around. Now I am just unsure whether it's possible not to let this thing become your whole world. If it is, I guess I haven't figured it out yet.
When Rob and I went out for dinner on Saturday night, it was evident how long it had been since we'd really sat down and talked. Over entrees, wine, dessert and coffee, we talked and laughed like we hadn't seen each other in years - which was lovely, but is also kind of sad to realize how out of touch we had become. We decided we need to make a pointed effort to have dinner together more often.
This decision to try to eat more meals together coincides perfectly with me realizing how unhealthy I have been getting during placement - all the eating on the run, grabbing things from the nearest coffee shop or the hospital cafeteria, not eating because I forgot to pack lunch and don't have time to pick something up, snacking on unhealthy choices... it's not good. Re-inspired to care about the food I'm eating by a combination of starting to feel heavy and lacking in energy with the discovery of The Ten Ingredient Project: http://www.teningredientproject.com/, I'm looking forward to putting a little more thought into what I eat again.
Incidentally, I felt I hit a bit of a stride last week with placement. I handled a few things better than I would have previously, and got a couple bits of positive feedback. I am still really uncertain and it all still feels tremendously difficult, but moments where I can see some progress do put it into perspective a bit. And Rob Brezny (http://freewillastrology.com/) seems to be echoing my suspicions about why it all feels so hard:
"CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): So it turns out that the "blemish" is
actually essential to the beauty. The "deviation" is at the core of the
strength. The "wrong turn" was crucial to you getting you back on the
path with heart. I have rarely seen a better example of happy accidents,
Capricorn. You may not realize it quite yet -- although I hope this
horoscope is bringing it all into focus -- but you have been the beneficiary
of a tricky form of divine intervention. One good way of expressing your
gratitude is to share with friends the tale of how you came to see that
the imperfections were perfect."
There are officially 10 more sleeps until we are off for our final exam and month off. Not that I'm counting... but if I were, that would mean only 2 more full clinic days (which I am finding one of the more stressful parts of placement). I'm trying to convince my midwifery BFF to travel from Ottawa for a visit immediately upon going off call... we'll see. I think finishing this portion of our final year will call for a mega celebration!