After a month of tremendous ups and downs, I'm feeling sort of-kind of-almost ready to resume placement.
It's been three years since I've had any issues with my Crohn's disease. In the past, I had many operations due to a recurring fistula/abscess. It's always been a tough pill to swallow since I've worked so hard to see relief from the usual type of Crohn's flare-up with much success through diet. But, no matter how good the other symptoms of my Crohn's disease have been, problems with this abscess would always reappear. The last time it happened was in May of 2007, when I ended up in the hospital the same day I found out I had gotten into the midwifery program at Laurentian (sooo much happy; sooo much sad!). After three years, I was starting to think (hope, dream!) perhaps I'd seen the last of it. So it was with much disappointment... heartbreak, even... that I ended up in the ER at Mt Sinai a few weeks ago. One long horrendous day in the emergency room, lots of morphine and gravol, spinal anaesthetic, an operation and an overnight later, I was back at home.
The past three weeks have been focused on healing and trying to get back in the physical and mental game so I could be ready for placement when it started again. I think I'm finally there. I don't know why it happened, but I know that during placements I have not treated my body as well as I have in the past. It's been hard to eat properly, and I had let that translate to almost never eating well at all. In many ways I have to try harder to keep my body happy and healthy during all of this.
Luckily, I suppose, the flare-up occurred during holidays from school and directly between our Algonquin canoe trip and our trip to Winnipeg, and none were disturbed. We had a blast in Winnipeg, and even though I had to take it easy we managed to see many of our friends, lots of my family, and even spend a few days at my parents' cabin on Falcon Lake.
As always, I felt the most profound sense of whole-ness as I sat under those prairie skies with all of our friends around us. It felt easy, and it felt like home. I felt a sense of belonging and love that I haven't felt, except during similar visits, since I moved away. This time was extra special since Rob was finally with me. For the past year or so I've been feeling a desire to make our way back there when we are done school. This was an opportunity to see if Rob might be on the same page once he experienced being back. Sure enough, one of the first things he said after we arrived was "oh yeah... this place feels like home." I left with a new motivation for getting through this year: the sooner I finish, the sooner I can get back to Winnipeg and we can get on with making our dreams come true!
Which, of course, reminds me that going to midwifery school was one of those dreams, and every day that I'm here I am making that dream a reality. I appreciate the reminder to have gratitude!