It's always amazing to me how time can drag and fly at the same time. The weeks crawl by, but they do keep crawling and things continue to change and change and change. So much change.
I am a Midwifery Clerk now. Something I was always so in awe of - it seemed an unreachable goal. Midwifery Clerks do things like think about what comes AFTER the MEP. I had forgotten such a thing existed - or, at least, given up on ever getting there.
And what comes after the MEP for us continues to appear to be Winnipeg. Toronto - especially the midwifery scene - seems as impenetrable and uninviting as ever, and although our wee pool of friends and acquaintances is growing, we still aren't very attached. I've been encouraged to apply for positions in Manitoba, and so I did, and now I have an interview coming up. It will be nice to have a plan in place for that "edge of a cliff" that is the end of the MEP.
I have actually begun to imagine graduating. Walking across the platform in my red shoes to receive my degree. Working. Being near family and old friends. Having an income. Owning a house.
In the meantime, being a Clerk has proven interesting. Different and yet the same. It doesn't feel as much like an initiation... a different level of respect, perhaps? I am increasingly comfortable with what I am doing and yet when I try to imagine not having the safety net of another midwife overseeing me in everything I do I feel terrified. I still do silly things all the time. I screw up daily. My stomach is in knots... often. But it's really amazing to see that as the days, weeks and months roll on... I am growing. It is and has been so painful, but I have grown so much. I am becoming this.