Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Rough Patch


Not sure how things are going.  It got a lot harder to stay positive and upbeat and confident and hopeful etc this week when I came down with some sort of icky illness - probably just a cold (sore throat, nausea, achy, plugged ears, mucous-filled head, coughing, constant nose-blowing, watery eyes, gross) - and felt unable to take any time to deal with it.  Any time I tried to sort of let my preceptor know how I was feeling, I ended up feeling powerless to ask for time/space to get better.  A stiff regimen of tylenol, advil cold & sinus, ricola, ginger gravol and neti pot usage has been getting me through, but just barely.  I've been washing my hands every ten minutes, holding my breath around babies and trying to stay away from people in general, while still trying to appear enthusiastic and gung-ho about everything.

Just as I was feeling like I wasn't sure I was getting much in the way of learning opportunities out of my temporary preceptor, my permanent preceptor had returned and I was feeling really hopeful about that.  However I am now starting to realize the ways in which the new relationship will have its own unique challenges, and that has been feeling a bit overwhelming.  There is something about interactions with my preceptor that has been triggering a lot of anxiety in me.  It feels like we are just missing each other - like we are always ALMOST on the same page but never quite.  I have found some of our interactions really stressful and am feeling like I have needed time to sort of "come down" after them... so that makes me a bit nervous.  I know that the only thing that can change is me.  I am hoping that as she and I learn each other we will start to figure each other out and our interactions will become easier.  Some of the time I think we both really get one another and I think enjoy each other... it's just hit and miss right now.

That's pretty cryptic... I'm not sure how to put it into words yet.  We'll just have to see what happens.

Some of our best friends in southern Ontario, some friends from Winnipeg who are currently living in Guelph, are suddenly up and moving back home.  One of them got a promotion that means moving.  We are really sad about it.  We haven't been seeing them as much as we would like to, and we were hoping to reconnect now that it's summer.  They were also a key part of our trip to Algonquin last summer and we were hoping for a repeat trip this year.  It's all around disappointing news.  Of course we are happy for her that she got a promotion... we'll just miss 'em.

I have a multip - third baby - contracting every half an hour for going on two days now.  She is begging us to just induce her (obviously not going to happen).  She has gone into labour at 37 weeks with both of her previous pregnancies, and is now approaching 40 weeks.  I have a midterm exam on Friday and we go off call tomorrow night at 9 pm to allow us time to study and sleep prior to the test.  Since I have a really busy day planned tomorrow I am kind of hoping her labour holds off for one more night... of course I will be happy for her if she goes tonight.  This is the balancing act I will be part of for the rest of my career!  There's just no way to know what will happen.

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