This morning I slept in until a leisurely 8:45 and promptly wasted an hour watching mind-sucking reality television on my laptop. I ate a freezer-burned sesame bagel with some undefined type of spreadable cheese from small foil-wrapped triangles I found in the fridge. I drank the remaining dregs of yerba mate left in the pot from Rob before he left for work. I made a few calls, got dressed and spent approximately three minutes fiddling with my hair and thinking about how desperately I need a haircut and how little time I have to make appointments. Giving up on the hair I ran out the door making a mental note that I needed to take a sticky roller to the cat hair coating my black tights, then forgetting. I listened to the same cd that has been on repeat in my car for the past three weeks as I drove to a home visit. It was sunny. Squinting, I remembered how I used to care enough to actually change my regular glasses to my sunglasses when I was outside. I ran up the four flights of stairs to the apartment where I was doing my visit and arrived so out of breath that I had to take a few minutes before I could communicate with the parents. The visit was uneventful. I checked in with one of my preceptors to let her know how the visit went as I raced down the stairs and back to my car, worrying about running late to meet my other preceptor at the hospital for another visit. I got stuck in traffic, squinting in the sun and singing along mindlessly, texting my preceptor to let her know I was on my way. I arrived at the hospital 20 minutes late, and searched for our client only to realize that my preceptor was not there yet. Following the visit, I stopped in at the clinic to photocopy next week's clinic schedule and attempt to motivate myself to prep my charts. Failing that, I suddenly realized I was incredibly, horrifically grumpy. I left the clinic, drove home and have been lying on the couch moping ever since. I am eating gingerbread cookies and attempting to make fun plans for next weekend (off call) and my month off in December. Rob is making chicken dumpling stew in an attempt to cheer me up.
For some reason this reminds me of the movie Magnolia, when William H Macy's character had the song "Dreams" playing in his car every time he drove anywhere... his character was at least as hopeless as I feel today.
That actually just kinda cheered me up.